This is not a rant but over the past few years if it could go wrong, it has. Some later day I will write about my recent divorce and maybe even write about the effect of becoming totally alienated from my very best friend. I could comment on leaving a home and a country and being an expatriate in the United Arab Emirates. Or maybe I could pen a few words to those planning to borrow substantially and start a new business just two months before a global financial meltdown.
These are just the major decisions that have contributed to a difficult time. And as I look at them none was wrong at the time. All were rational and right. But, as it turned out, all turned out to be disastrous. Of course because the big things were going wrong a multitude of minor cock ups followed.
Through all of this, with the help of some great friends, I have fought through, retained my strength, kept laughing, kept working at new ideas, written two novels and I have a good plan for the next year. As previous blogs have tracked I have signed a contract for a project in Saudi. In preparation I have cancelled my visa to live here, terminated the lease on my apartment, sold my furniture, packed the cases, bought the air ticket and spent the very of my last savings to make this move. I am now broke. This move was a new exciting beginning and a chance to recover all my balance and certainty.
Retaining my calm it looks like now everything has again gone totally pear-shaped which is an English euphemism for a stream of abusive swearing and cussing. I had a contract but it now seems probable that it won’t be honoured and I will not be going to Saudi – at least not this month – if ever.
Bad luck, ill fortune whatever you want to call it we all have our share. Life has its ups and downs but it is supposed to level out over a month, a year or a lifetime. But what if it doesn’t and it’s a never-ending series of bad breaks. Should we blame bad karma; that sense that we finally get what we deserve in our life for all our past misdemeanours in this, or for those of you who believe in reincarnation, our previous lives.
I had always dismissed such ideas to the rubbish bin subscribing more instead to the ‘Gary Player’ view which is captured in the phrase ‘the harder I try the luckier I get’. But I am changing my mind
Moving to Saudi was meant to be a new beginning and there is no reason why the next week shouldn’t be anything less. In fact it could be more. I have nowhere to live and I have to leave Dubai. I am packed and could go wherever I want. I could send my boxes anywhere in the world for safe keeping and then I could ….
Who knows yet what that could be? Maybe a publisher is right now reading the extracts from my books (they are right here on the blog – have you read them yet) and about to offer me a contract? Maybe I will go to the Ukraine for a couple of months and learn Russian and finish my third novel? Or maybe I will visit friends in Thailand and help them with the orphanage they support for kids with the AIDS virus?
But then karma strikes again. I need money to live and now I don’t have any. And so plans and dreams will again be thwarted. But will they?
This should be about as low as I could get but strangely I have a calm and a conviction that somehow everything will work out for the better. Somehow I feel that all the restraints and shackles have been removed. There is a sense of liberation and excitement tempering the fear and concern.
That’s the power of human nature. Karma, what karma!